Monday, April 9, 2012

My inner voice is a crappy random voice

Everyone have it. You don't know it's there. You know it's there. You doubt it. You believe it , and then you don't believe it. You know you have it...and then you don't acknowledge it. What is it? Where it come from? And then you totally don't want to have anything to do with it. Why?

Inner voice.

It talks to you. You talk to yourself. It's actually that funny first feeling. That tells you , You just have to do it. Trust me. I'd protect you. And yet some inner voice are not just like that. Do it, and it lets you down to another path. Just follow me. I am your guide. You will know the bigger picture later although you are part of the missing jigsaw puzzle.

You don't know if you made a wrong decision, or a decision that you might regret later. You just have to make it, face it, stare at it, it won't go away until you do so. You just have to. It bites if you don't. You can't put it on hold. You will be force to choose, between love and grander love, between shorter pain and longer pain, between duality of good and bad or the best out of which is worst. Inner voice. It guide you. The first voice. Uncontaminated thoughts that come later is not inner voice.

Everything that comes later is a struggle of how you justify the decision you made and how you want to handle it. That feeling that you might hurt someone. That feeling that you feel is best. That those feeling that you struggle to justify. People always say, make mistakes. Without which you won't grow and learn. The question here is, is it a mistake to begin with? You don't know. So inner voice helps. And the trust that the bigger picture will come later. Everything happen for a reason. And that reason is always for the better for change. But it's that first stupid feeling of things not being what it's suppose to be. That made me feel crappy. Things that falls, crumbling and tumbling down like a block of bricks you've so painstakingly put.

Inner voice...I'll guide you, and let you know what is it. Till then, let go before the Universe grab from you by force.

Till...I feel worthy of love. Till then, I will heal.

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