Friday, January 18, 2008

An interesting case i came across

I have a friend cum customer , whom i am quite close to because we always chat whenever there's some free time when i was working. One day, this friend of mine, can't take it anymore and burst to tears right in front of me. She told me she is contemplating suicide. She had not been sleeping well, eating well, and her weight dropped tremendously. She told me the only thing stopping her is her three lovely daughters. Basically, the next thing i would do is askin "Why?"
She said her husband is playing behind her back and is very evasive and defensive. Her husband do not want to lie to her, yet makes her suffer mentally by acting dumb and mum. And so i asked for her birth details and her husband's birth details.
Naturally, she avoided me and gave excuses not having it. But it didn't bother me as usual, because am not so crazy into checking everyone's charts unless necessary. After a few days, one day she came and asked me to help her to tail her husband 'now' as he is with the girl now. I rejected and told her, it's useless. So what if you know who is that? so what if you can confirm he is indeed playing behind your back? What can you do?
I calmed her down and sit her beside me. "Look, just give me the damn details and i'll set up the chart right now and see" She gave me both their charts. Anyway, as I was going tru her chart, i see the transits is challenging for her. and when i look at the husband's i know where the problem is.
From the chart, i said, it seems like this marriage is second hand. are you his 2nd wife or is he your 2nd husband? she answered that she is his second wife. she still defend her husband as they had been together for 15 years and he provided well for the children. but she can't lose him to another woman as she had been dependant on him for finance and literally her life.
So where lies the problem? Well, her husband has a venus in gemini. Most typical people with venus in gemini who do not have self realise this, will always devote himself or herself, 100% to everyone they love for it's hard for them to choose. Normal eyes see them as flirter or straying partners.
I explained , yada yada yada what sort of character she is dealing with and her own character. Then i bring her down to the worldly part. I gave her some ways to this problem. Which is i believed, not many woman can take it, but she is willing to give it a try.

the ways to handle a straying husband:
1) accept him as it is, tell him calmly and matter of factly without arguing, that you know he is born like this and you can understand, thus you will be there for him whenever he need you

2) give him some 'new' feeling whenever he is with you, be it from the way you dress yourself, beautify yourself, upgrade yourself in terms of personal growth and knowledge to new places you go dating, put the kids away once a week, to new stance in love making or tryin all the positions recommended in kamasutra ( this took me 1 hour to excite her , giving her something to look forward to and ditch the suicide thoughts)

3) do not ask about his other women, for you will never be the first, nor the last. as long as whenever he is back home with you, he must devote 100% of that quality time with you and or with your children.

4) Cook his meal even he is not home, just send a blardy 1 cent sms to him to inform him, but do not be disappointed if he is not able to come home and enjoy the meal. Tell him you'll be giving him a nice treat in some fancy or romantic restaurants if he is free on the weekends. for once, just treat him instead of him treating you and he'll be mesmerised in mind as well on what a change you let him felt. Just don't threaten him or tell him the kids are waiting, it's a big turn off as you know his other girls do not give him this kind of pressure.

5) treat this as a transaction for your children welfare and your own welfare. you love him, yes you still do, but winning this war of marriage with patience and love is always better than divorce and mending lonely broken hearts.

6) enhance her living skill during this period and engage in some adult classes for personal growth so her mind will be calm and know more friends that are positive influence to her.
afterall, if she can accept to try save her marriage, she'll be a lot more happier knowing that she has put in the efforts and tried her best. The first positive sign she gave was, she accepted him as the way he is and talked to him amicably and stated her self, all with the points i gave her about the stance to handle a venus in gemini person.

I wish her well and hope she gets more than she deserve with the efforts she's putting in for this change. Well, occasionally now, she still buy me some drinks and a pack of ciggy... :)

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